Those Hands

The past couple of days, I have been traveling and with this travel has come with an overnight. I love my time with Luna, however, I know that when I have to do have overnight travel, I need to make the best of it. My time away from her can be hard. Yet on the other hand it is invaluable and I welcome it with open arms. It allows me to recharge, look introspectively at how can be a better partner to my Monster, gain perspective, catch up on "me time" that I so need at times, and finally, it allows me to come back to her with a new attitude. When I am out on the open roads, my windshield time can be lengthy. During this time, I am listening to audiobooks. It allows for me to grow and helps pass the time by doing something productive. I am currently listening to Dr. Shefali Tsabary's "The Awakened Family". So far I am about six hours into this book and already, I am feeling so enlightened and ready to make some major shifts in my life. It has also confirmed many areas that I am doing positively. As a parent, it is nice to have a gauge or see how we are affecting our child's life in a positive manner. I am putting a lot of my time and energy in being a conscious parent and living life with more of that childlike wander and presentness. 

As I got home this afternoon from my overnight trip away from my Monster, I came home with an uplifted attitude and feeling extremely grounded and light. I felt like I could take on the world or anything that was thrown in my direction. I was so excited to see my little Lunitas! Every time when I arrive home, the same scenario plays out. I open the door and as I am walking down the hallway, I hear feet and her saying, "Mamá, this" Or whatever she might have in her hand that she wants me to see. As she is is running and around the corner she flies and we greet one another usually with many besitos and abrazitos. This will NEVER get old for as long as I live! I hope every day she has this much excitement when she sees me. As the early evening progressed, I was doing so well in present moment enjoying my interactions with Luna. Then out of nowhere, like a Mack truck, I am hit with a flood of emotions. I could not pin point where they were coming from. Was it because I was so excited to be home and I was relishing in my time with her? After all, this is the time of year when one wants to be snuggled up on the couch because the weather is turning cold and rainy. It is the season of soups and warm drinks. NO clue where the emotion came from. I know from my past experiences, when this has happened, I am usually picking up someone else's energy. I knew this must be the case in this situation. Why? You might ask...Because I was totally in present moment with Luna not thinking about anything but what we were engaged in at that moment. Which was eating edamame and shuffling through a magazine looking at the photos. 

We walked to the Whole Foods to go get a few items that we needed. As we were walking home, I was in awe by her wander. We have walked this path thousands of times together. But it was as if she was walking it for the first time. She was in amazement watching all the traffic, the bicyclists, the walkers passing, and making many comments along the way. What are we missing out on seeing when we are so preoccupied with our thoughts that are floating in out heads? While we were on the elevator waiting to get off on our floor, Luna was eyeing every person. Checking them out to see if they are safe, all while saying hola to them. She then grabbed my hand for security. It is her go to when she wants to feel safe and secure. Sometimes there are times when she will pier around my leg to see everyone. As if she can only see them and not them seeing her. That feeling of her grabbing my hand makes me want to never let her go or her hand. I hope that she will know that my hand will always be there for the security she needs or the guidance she is looking for. I want our hands to lead each other, as partners in this journey of life. I want her to always know that she can come to me for a safe place. (As I am typing these words, tears are flowing down my face.) 

Fast forward to a couple of hours later as I was washing my face and doing our evening routine, I looked over at her and with proudness only a parent can give, I tell her how proud I am of her! I asked her if she knew how proud I am of her? With that million dollar smile, she replied with the most eager, "Sí!" You have to know that this girl says sí to almost anything you ask her. I still do not know where all this emotion came from today. However, I am just grateful to have had these interactions with her and to be living a present and mindful life with her. 

My wish is that we are able to build a mutual respectful and loving relationship where she knows she is valued, she is seen, she is worthy, she is loved, she knows how to love, that she is lovable, that she has a voice, where her voice and opinion matter, and no matter what happens...she  belongs at home. FINALLY, that she matters! Man, this is a lot I am hoping to instill in her...ginormous task I want to accomplish! Being a parent is a lot of work and takes a lot of awareness. One this that I can say for certain is...I do not know if I will ever be able to give her as much as she has given me in this short time that we have been together. 

Love and Light to La Luna~B                                                                                                                                              

PS...I know this is a bit all over. I really felt compelled to write my feelings this evening and share them with you. Please feel free to share your experience, strength, and hope or any comments you may want to share. Remember to click on the title to add your comments.